In an effort to squeeze just a few more drops of juice out of the 9/11 tragedy, George Bush is having Genn. David Patreaus deliver the White House report on Iraq to Congress on that day.

Ironically, George Bush was the President during the attack and his incompetence allowed the attack to take place, but he still feels he can get a “bounce” from reminding people about his abject failure.

Scientists evaluating this stunt estimate that it will take an industrial press that can exert over 5 million pounds of pressure per square inch for Bush to get more juice out of avoidable the deaths of over 3,000 Americans.